{ the sweetest bee makes the thickest honey. }


I really love your company, but we're both young, and I don't think it makes sense to be in a long-term monogamous relationship at this point in our lives, when we're both meeting people and making new experiences.
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How to Survive Unbearable Heartbreak: Embracing Possibility
by Sebastian Ischer

1.

- I think I want to start seeing other people.
- What does that mean?
- Just that I don't think we should be exclusive anymore.
- You want to have sex with someone else?
- That's not what I'm saying. God, you're so paranoid. I just think we should consider the possibility of seeing other people.
- Are you trying to break up with me?
- No, of course not. I want to keep seeing you, and I really love your company, but we're both young, and I don't think it makes sense to be in a long-term monogamous relationship at this point in our lives, when we're both meeting people and making new experiences.
- I'm not meeting anyone.
- See! You should go out more, instead of us spending all our time together
and fighting. I think it would be much better for you.
- Fuck you. I you're going to sleep with someone else and disregard the fact that you're hurting my feelings, I don't want to see you anymore.
- Don't be so melodramatic. I still love you, and I think I'll probably marry you some day and have your child. But right now I don't want to be tied down when there's so many possibilities to explore.
- I can't tell you how much I'm against this. I feel sick to my stomach.
- Don't feel bad. Everything will be fine, you'll see.


2.

- What's up?
- I just wanted to talk to you. Are you busy?
- Is something wrong? You sound upset.
- I'm really sorry. Something happened.
- What do you mean? Are you okay?
- I did something bad.
- Oh no. What is it?
- I don't want to tell you. You'll be mad at me, I know it.
- You fucking call to say you did something bad and you can't tell me what it is? That's insane.
- See, you're mad.
- I'm not mad. Just tell me what it is.
- I had sex with somebody. I'm really sorry.
- You know what's funny? I felt like I couldn't hear you for a second. I know what you said, but the words don't seem to communicate anything that I actually want to let into my reality.
- I'm so sorry.
- Go fuck yourself. Or somebody.


3.

- Please don't hang up on me. I really need to talk to you.
- Why are you crying? I should be the one crying.
- I feel really terrible. I don't want to lose you.
- Who is it?
- It doesn't matter. It's not anyone you know.
- Then tell me how it is. And why you did it.
- I don't know, I don't know. It just happened. I didn't think it would be a big deal.
- What's his name?
- It's Mike. He's a med student.
- Uggh. Are you in love with him? Is he going to be your new boyfriend?
- No! It was just sex, and besides, he has a girlfriend, and he feels bad about it, so it won't happen again.
- Oh.
- I really don't want you to be angry. I don't care about him at all. It was just physical.
- What did you do?
- Don't ask that. You're just going to get more mad.
- I want you to tell me so I'll know how bad I should feel.
- We just had sex. It was anything special.
- Just once.
- No.
- More than once?
- Several times.
- How many. Just tell me.
- Maybe ten. I'm not sure.
- What did you do? Did you go down on him? Did he go down on you?
- I don't know. It doesn't matter.
- Yes it does. I need to know.
- You'll just think about it more if I tell you.
- It'll be worse if I have to imagine it. Tell me. What did you do?
- Different things. Whatever people do.
- You gave him a blow job and then he fucked you? Did he do it doggy-style?
Did you have anal sex with him?
- That's not fair. You're making it much worse.
- Did you?
- Why does it matter?
- I just need to know. I've never done it with anyone but you.
- Look, we did everything. But I used condoms.
- I never want to touch you again. You're dirty. Ruined! Don't call me. You're so fucked up.


3.

- I don't want to talk to you.
- I just want to come by and pick up my things. My hairbrush and some CDs I
lent you.
- Couldn't you have the decency to leave me alone, at least for a while? I don't want to see you. Even thinking about you makes me feel bad. Stay away from me.
- I need my things. I'll come and get them now, and then you never have to see me again.
- No.
- I'm coming over.


4.

- Don't touch me. I'm not going to give you a hug after you've been fucking someone.
- I said I was sorry. I made a big mistake.

She cries while she's looking through his CDs.

- I love you. Please don't make me go away.
- If you really loved me, why would you have sex with someone else?
- I was stupid and thoughtless. I never would have done anything if I had realized this would happen.
- You knew I'd be upset. How could you pretend I wouldn't be upset?
- I know, I'm sorry. I'm a bad person. But I love you.




5.

- You know, just now, before we had sex, and you took your pants off and started rubbing yourself against me and kissing me, I wanted you more than ever. And it felt really weird. I think I was trying to erase his penis from inside you, and make the whole unbearable situation not be real.
- You were fucking me really well. That's how I know that you really love me. By how upset you were before.
- I felt so horrible. It's like the worst thing I ever imagined becoming real.
- Shh. Don't say that. I love you. I won't hurt you again.
- What about Mike? Won't he want to keep having sex with you?
- He's in love with his girlfriend again.
- Does he feel bad? What does he say about the what happened?
- He says it was the best sex he's ever had,
she said proudly.
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