{ the sweetest bee makes the thickest honey. }


I'm sure it won't be long until you find someone nice who loves you.
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How to Survive Unbearable Heartbreak #5: Repetition
by Sebastian Ischer

1.
- I'm very sorry about what happened. I know I hurt you very badly and made you feel worthless, and I know I acted very thoughtlessly and selfishly.
- Do we have to keep talking about this?
- I just want you to understand that I was very depressed sometimes, and it made me hate myself and everybody else, and it also made it impossible for me to consider your feelings. But I think you're going to be okay. You seem a lot happier now than when we were together. I'm sure it won't be long until you find someone nice who loves you.
- But I'm not happier.
- You're a good person, and I loved you a lot when I could, and you had a big effect on me.
- Maybe we should give it another try?
- No, we can't be together because we're too volatile, and you need certain things from other people that I can't give you, and also, I'm not in love with you or attracted to you anymore. But I know for sure that one day something good will happen to you, and you'll become successful and confident, and then lots of girls will find you attractive, and I'll call you up and say, let's hang out, and then we'll meet for coffee, and I'll touch your leg under the table, and I'll tell you how much I miss you, and we'll walk somewhere. I'll hold your hand inside your jacket pocket and before we get where we're walking, I'll suddenly stop and pull you close and kiss you.
And you'll feel better than you ever have in your entire life.
And I'll ask, can I come home with you, and we'll hail a cab, and give directions to your apartment, and we'll kiss in the cab and you'll put your hand inside my shirt, and then when we're at your apartment, I'll take my clothes off, and I'll stand in the middle of your room, and you'll say: "You're the most beautiful person I've ever known," and I'll reach into your pants and take your penis out.
And we'll move in together, and make love twice a day for a year, and have kids. I'll never be angry at you, and you'll never feel nervous or inadequate, and we'll travel around the world and make award-winning short films, and every time I say good-bye, I'll kiss you and whisper, "I love you," into your ear.
- Or, I'll live in a state of constant unhappiness and mortal fear, until I meet someone else I like as much as you, or until I die. And my consciousness and everything that ever happened is wiped out. Whichever happens first.

2.
- Why is it so important for you to be unhappy?
- It's the only way I can make sense of the difference between the way I want things to be and the way they really are.
- Don't you think that eventually, you'll have to accept the way things really are?
- It's easier to accept my unhappiness than it is to let go of the feeling that things could be the way I want them to. So I'll keep doing that.
- Give in. Please.
- I can't.
- Then I'll have to torture you.
- Do your worst.
- Okay. Here's a picture of me fucking some other guys.
- I don't want to see it! Please take it away, and say you didn't do it!
- Ok, I didn't do it.
- I love you.
- If you really love me, you have to look at the picture again.
- No, I can't.
- Then I guess you don't love me. Real love knows how to make sacrifices.
- I really think I love you. I guess I'll look at the picture.
- Here it is.
- You whore! You're worthless to me and my love!
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. I need your love. Please forgive me.
- I'll forgive you if you have sex with me right now.
- If you can only love me if I have sex with you, then your love is worthless.
- If you say you love me but refuse to have sex with me, then your love is worthless too.
- I am worthless. Please torture me.
- But I love you. I don't want to torture you.
- If you won't torture me, I'll go to someone who will.
- Okay, I'll do it. What do you want me to do?

3.
- I think I'm getting bored of this. Maybe I need to find someone else.
- Please, don't go! I love you!

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